Happy first Gavin and Jaxen starts preschool!

FINALLY. I have no children under the age of one.

Except for.....oh....ALL of my children are under the age of 5...
aaaaaagggggghhh

BabyG
Month 9:
This guy crushed all my hopes and dreams of early weaning and sleeping through the night via extra milk before bed by totally rejecting the bottle. Doesn't matter what's in it or what temperature it is. He'll have none of it. It had been hit or miss for the month prior but as soon as 9 months rolled around it was sippy cup ONLY. Makes one hell of a mess and takes damn near an eternity to do it that way though. Back to two wakings a night (2 & 6 ish). Naps are 50 shades of messed up. Could this be because the top teeth bustin' through? Could it be because I really want to get Jaxen out of the house some days and that means missing naptime? Could it be because my milk supply is pretty low? Could it be because he is transitioning to one nap a day. Jaxen did this around 10m.

6/16- cut 1/2 nursing at afternoon feed. Thankfully he changed his mind about bottle feeding and now takes 8-12oz/day of this home made formula:

10m:

Painfully close to walking.

7/15 -- 1st sleep throu the night!!!!!!!! 10p-8a!!!!!!!! Possible contributing factors:   Some solid food at dinner, 7oz formula 830pm then nursed both sides at bedtime, delatched and gurgledeegooed himself to sleep on my lap, Gma Magic?, 2 long day naps, appropriately LATE bedtime. 

7/21 - mastering the wave (in proper context and everything!) and sleeping through the night!!!! That means like 930p-530am. I do everything I can (nurse/Rock) to get him back to sleep at that point. 85% of the time it works and he sleeps Til 730/8am.

7/27 -- first steps!!!! Cut out pre-nap nursing and replaced with bottle. Two more to go!

11m: 8 teeth and counting!!!! Also, I woke up one morning with another blister and called it quits. Cold turkey. It's been more uncomfortable than weaning with Jaxen because G had still been nursing twice every 24hrs on both sides. I think I was down to 1/2 a nursing every 24hrs when I stopped with Jaxen. Decongestants haven't helped much either. I'm told this will pass in 3-4 days. A second big move for G has been moving out of the bassinet into the bottom level of the pack and play. He seems to sleep a little longer in the morning but we're talking 645/7 instead of 615/630. Ugh.

A week before birthday #1, Gavin is sleeping Til 8-830am! Not without some fuss early on but it's 20min max and every day since it gets less and less. *Phew* this is starting to get a little easier. Sure glad to have all that behind me now. In fact, every time I see someone with a fresh baby, I cringe on the inside and thank the stars it isn't me.

P.S - RE: goat milk formula

Now that G is one year old I don't mix in all the add ins any more. Just the vitamins, fish oil and probiotics.

Jaxen !!!!!!

Unfortunately this summer has been kinda a wash for us. We haven't gotten to do any hiking or any fun family outdoor adventures due to Ben's  leg injury and the variable nap schedule that Gavin keeps. Fingers crossed for next summer!

Three has been a challenge. Jaxen is already stubborn (I only have myself to thank for that) and now that he is beginning to have his own opinions/expectations...well let's just say the resulting tantrums can be a real delight. Thankfully, i am finding that as he approaches 3 1/2 he's slightly more compliant. I know that school will help that along too.

 The first day we got there too early so we decided to take a short hike. Spirits were high and he kept asking when class would start! In fact at orientation the day before, he threw an enormous fit when we had to leave. It may have had more to do with parting from the classroom lawnmower than anything else but oh well, at least he found something about it to like! Once the teachers let us into the classroom, he got a little more reserved and unsure. Groups of more than two kids seem difficult for him in general. I can't blame him, I strongly prefer one or two people to large groups as well. It's an energy perception thing. Too many varying energies in one location and I have to put a conscious effort into not bolting in the other direction.

  Anyway, i helped him hang up his stuff, find his name tag and join the group but when I left I noticed he was starting to become upset. One of the assistants was with him, comforting him immediately. (Perhaps he didn't realize I would not be joining him all afternoon?) He seemed ok when I picked him up (perhaps a bit grumpy) so I guess he managed. "Jaxen, do you want to go to

School tomorrow?"  "No. " but every day he goes back and every day he's increasingly happy/excited to be there and if I ask, "did you have fun in school today?" He always says yes. As time goes on he's happier and happier to be at school.

We had an excellent visit from Gpa Tom, aunt Donna and uncle mike before Ryan & Kasey's wedding in September!! They finally got to see the house and explore the area a little bit! We were so delighted to have them. A few days later we regrouped in MT for one of the best weddings I've ever been too.  I could have never cried in front of that many people. The 30-something we had at ours was even too overwhelming for me.  #introvert4life. 

Watch Jaxen cut a rug at the reception! They even played our 4 o' clock dance song. He was the first one out on the dance floor and almost the last one to leave. He really partied hard. The boys had a great time meeting cousins and family they'd never met before and our stay with Gma & pop pop was nice and relaxing (for me). Ben would tell you otherwise. 

Here are some more photos in case you missed them on facebook.

See you in January!

One baby, two baby...old baby? New baby?

Now that just sounds terrible, doesn't it?

Month four Check In:

It was easy. In the beginning. Yes, back in the good old days when the NICU nurses did everything for me and/or Ben was home all day and even grandma's ran aplenty. Well, the first week of November I was on my own. It's of course less easy but not as bad as I bought it might be. Gavin is a piece of cake it's just Jaxen with his fits that sometimes make things difficult. Although there are times when I'm carrying them BOTH around because they are BOTH crying. These kids are breaking my back (again!) 

I have to say though that Gavin is a real chill man. (Smiling at me before even two months old! Sleeping 4-5hr stretches by 2.5m old, then 7-10hour straight through by 3.5 months) Thank. The. Stars. Don't get me wrong, he still has all the annoying habits most babies have like a constantly variable schedule and being unable to do anything for himself. Luckily I haven't had to co-sleep in bed with him like i did Jaxen. That's was rough and uncomfortable for me but it was what Jaxen needed so I had to make the sacrifice. Gavin's been fine sleeping in the bassinet across the room from us. A NICU bonus, I guess. Or I hear that most babies do that just fine... We're still planning on moving him to his room somewhere around 6 months. Possibly sooner if he keeps up excellent sleep! Oh, but then there's that SIDS thing...raarg. The chances drastically decrease at 4 months but well...*SHRUG* (that's my default parenting  setting)

Meanwhile Jaxen is chattering up a storm. He's always had lots to say but now we can understand most of it. He's very interested in learning new words/phrases and loves his word books, flash cards and watching lawn mowers on YouTube (obsessed). He's grown quite accepting and compassionate with his lil bro and I am very proud of him for that. I feel like he may be starting to mellow out now that we've crossed the 2.5 year line. Signs are still subtle but I'm a believer. He is really a sweet man under there. Perhaps even a sensitive one like myself so I've gone through great pains to show him compassion even in the depths of his toddler fits. Instead of yelling, time out or locking him away in his room we go sit alone together someplace quiet and calm down. It's harder to do it this way and it doesn't always seem like its effective in that moment (it is!) but I have a super long history of doing everything the hard way so whatevs. The other new thing we've done with Jaxen is switch him to pullups in hopes of getting the potty training thing underway. I have to register him for preschool in a week or two for next fall so I am REALLY hoping we can get that accomplished before then! We don't make him sit on the potty still but we definitely talk about it more and encourage him to try sitting on it. He's gone pee twice (a couple weeks ago we caught half a poo in there too) but the connection is still not there. In fact, he's still in denial about diaper changes in general so I don't think he's ready to make a full blown effort just yet.

We had a busy thanksgiving with everyone visiting but it was nice to have the extra help. Jaxen had an absolute blast with his aunts and uncles! They really ran the energy out of him! THANKS GUYS! Gavin got to meet his GGs for the first time too! Even though I was fretting about having everyone it worked out great and good times were had by all. Christmas was quiet and a little difficult for me on account of Ben being down for the count but we were up to our ears in presents, so much so that it took from 9am-3pm to open them all! Gavin also got to meet his cousins Ethan and Emily as well as his Aunt Martha and Uncle Zack. When he wasn't snoozing, he was busy charming everyone with his devilishly handsome grin.

And now a growth and cuteness update from Gavin:

See you in May for Jaxen's big THREE YEARS OLD UPDATE!

~*~*~*My BIGGEST BaaaaBEE Turns THREE*~*~*~

The Happy THREE YEARS Jaxen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't even believe it.
But I will say that every year he gets older.

Here is my sweet lil' man...

...who is now registered for preschool in the Fall!!!!!! (Fingers crossed we can potty train him by then!) I guess most moms get sad about this but I'm suuuuuper happy...but not for the terrible reason you're thinking of. Yes it will make things easier to have him out of the house a couple hours most of the week but really I'm excited that he's growing up and becoming a real person. That's why I had kids. Definitely not for the love of babies. I could do without that whole 12 months.

   Second week in February was a big deal for us as I finally initiated bottle termination. I offered him a small (2-3oz) sippy cup of sugar free chocolate milk OR the bottle. He took the chocolate milk. Then we put him down and he got upset about not getting a bottle so we reiterated the choice HE made and there was a 60s period of crying when we left the room. Then all was quiet.

    By the end of the month we'd jumped right into potty training. We still use a pull-up when we go out but he's had many successful #1s and #2s all initiated on his own. He tends to like privacy so we just leave him in the bathroom with some books and he does all the work! The main challenge is going at the playground. 85% of his accidents occur there.

    Right before our FL trip at the end of March we bought a tent for J to sleep in so we don't have to pack the crib everywhere. I was suuuuuuper nervous but he loves it and does great with it! He also has done several nap times in underpants! We haven't tackled night time in underpants...maybe later. We haven't had an accident since FL!

    Our vacation was fun (if your name is Jaxen or Gavin) but exhausting for us. Still, the exhaustion is worth the experience for them. After an accident free underpants plane ride we arrived at our hotel in Naples. There we had a good visit with GG and Gpa Ron. It took Jaxen a few days to see the value in going to the beach but by the time we met up with his buddy Luca at Siesta, the two were beachin' it like pros! It sure was nice to be just 1000 ft walk from the beach! At the end of the week we drove back down to Gma & pop pops house where we met up with uncle Ryan & aunt Kasey for some splashy fun times in gma's pool. We also did one last beach day at GG and Gpa Ron's beach club. By then Jaxen was even brave enough to get in the ocean!

   A big birthday surprise for Jaxen this year. A swing set!!! Not just any swing set. One could LIVE out of this thing. We couldn't have built it without the help of Gpa Paul. Thanks so much for your help!! We had a nice family birthday party with cousin Georgia the weekend of his birthday and then another coming up next weekend with friends & cake. Cake-friends...mmmm....

Gavin's 8m update:

We skipped our 6m check up because at the 4m one doc said (and I quote),"babies that look this good really don't need to come in every two months." Yep. That's how I make 'em. Just shy of month five I started seeing white shadows in Gavin's mouth and I spent weeks hoping I was wrong but no. One week before he hit five months his nap schedule got all funky (night sleep too) and his poor little guns all swollen and red. A week before the 6m mark one bottom tooth emerged! I'm hoping this is the reason he's gone from great sleeper 10-7 (1feeding) to 10-530 (2-3 feedings). I want my great sleeper back!!!!!!!!!!        

(っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ

    We also started some solids around 5.5m because of his wanting to face plant in my food all the time. Bone broth worked well, so did banana and apple sauce but not so much avocado. That caused throwing up all night long.

    By 7 months, this guy is still on his crappy sleep schedule. He's hard to put down and when I finally do get him down he's up 4-6x a night instead of once. I experimented with an earlier bedtime because I keep hearing about how everyone else's baby sleeps better that way but it just doesn't work. On the bright side he's doing great with solids; coconut cream, chicken/swt tato, chicken/Apple/strawberry, applesauce, assorted pre-made baby food combos...I don't think he likes banana anymore though and avocado is hit or miss. He's been SUCH a good eater that we're down to nursing before both naps, bedtime and twice (2am&6am-ish) overnight. I am contemplating weaning soon and I'll be revisiting my Jaxen blogs about it to refresh my memory. I'm pretty sure I started on the day feedings and cut out 1/2 a serving every 2-3weeks.

    The last week in April was the last straw with this crappy sleeping thing! I started turning off the monitor for short stretches and/or not going in if its within an hour of having just been in there. He's sleeping better AND if he does wake it's 10min max of fussing before falling back asleep. It's working! 

    At the ~9 month check up he met and exceeded some of the milestones they ask about. Aside from dealing with his first real sickness (just a boggery head cold), dr B says he looks great! He's now eating a ton of solids (pretty much anything as long as it's not cold) and because of this my supply is waaaaay down. So much so that I can no longer nurse him to sleep, it requires a few minutes of rocking before I can put him down for nap/night. If I can get him to like the coconut formula (hit or miss in the past) and remedy this pooping issue (dehydration) I won't feel so bad about quitting early. Call it second child syndrome...whatever...I just don't have the patience this time around. Not after 4 rounds of mastitis and milk blisters every other week (not an over exaggeration.)

Gavin: The Very Last Caron...

Out of me anyway...

Two things have happened to me that have NEVER happened EVER in my entire life time:
1) I am now so, SO, SO tired I fall asleep sitting up at the computer or in the car and I don't even realize I've fallen asleep until my arm falls out from under me. Thanks four weeks of hospital bedrest. So. Restful.
2) Sleep right through an alarm. Don't even know it went off until I see it on my phone in the morning.

Luckily in the weeks to follow, I was able to catch back up on some sleep before bringing Gavin home. That was the only good thing about being in the hospital so long!

We officially have a full name! Finally finished that paperwork the very day it was due...

WELCOME, WELCOME 

GAVIN ORION CARON!
                  

     Even though Gavin was born at 33 +2, there wasn't too much to be worried about after the doctors/nurses sated themselves with a battery of tests and roping him into a bunch of support machinery. He only wore his CPAP (heavy duty breathing machinery) for 2 days. Most 33 weekers spend a lot more time in these as breathing is usually the main concern this early in gestation. I breed robust creatures. *Applause* By the end of week 33/beginning week 34 he was taken off all the equipment save a feeding tube. It's been hard going back and forth between home and the hospital. Jaxen needs me. Gavin needs me. How am I supposed to split my time effectively? At this point Gavin still sleeps a lot (really hope he continues to be a great sleeper when we go home) so I'm hoping that excuses some of my absence. I've been shooting for an overnight every other day.

     One thing I've been really struggling with is my milk supply. It was barely there for about 2 weeks post surgery. I have postulated that this may be largely due to premature birth, birth by unnatural means (c-section), under eating, drugs, extra energy devoted to healing and stress on my body from a combination of everything. I started some acupuncture week 34 to help with all of these things. So far, so good. Even though we've been working on breast feeding since he came out (because he's a real rooter...you can't even deny this kid) it hasn't been until this past week (35) that he's gotten a solid latch and several successful 6mL-12mL feedings. It's hard work and I don't often get more than 5-10minutes at a time out of him but that's typical of kids his age. Since I'm with him every other night I try to be there for the 5pm, 8pm...get some sleep (but wake up to pump at 2am) then again at 5am and 8am feedings. Some days I can stay later and get the 11am in but most I have to get back for Jaxen. Ben's been doing his best to be there for us but it's been hard and his vacation time is ticking away. By the time we bring Gavin home he may not have much left.

    The good news about week 35 is that we finally introduced bottle feeds and my milk supply is on the rise! (Delayed due to steroid shot given upon admittance to hospital week 28. A little known side effect but one I now preach to the world because I hate to see moms who've been through so much give up on breastfeeding.) We need him to gain weight and learn to feed effectively without the tube so we can bring him home! Gavin needs to be taking about 70% of his nutrition from bottle feeds before we can take out the feeding tube (NOT a gtube BTW.) As much as I can't wait to bring him home, I have been appreciating the extra help the nurses have been. I've been able to get more rest at night since I don't have to be up every couple of hours nursing yet and it's nice to not have to deal with two kids when I've been in such pain from the surgery. Although the doc said I was healing up nicely at my two week check up the other day, she thought it a little strange that I still am on most of my pain killers because I'm experiencing more discomfort than is normal. She wrote it off as me just being overly active since I can't just sit and rest...I have a two year old. I hope that's all it is and nothing is permanently wrong forever. I can't even look at the incision. It looks awful with all this weight still hanging on it and I'm horrified it'll be awful looking forever too. I'm hoping post partum week three brings me better luck with the ability to take short walks every day...if not for Sierra's sake than my own. Fingers crossed. I did about a mile today (very slowly with Jaxen) and am feeling it in a bad way. I really need to get rid of all this extra weight. I am fretting about having to lose about still having 26 lbs to lose.

     By the time week 36 rolled around I was starting to get ancy and emotional about getting Gavin home. It's a similar feeling I had with Jaxen (but that came on day three instead of week three of our hospital stay.) My instinct says he's ready. Unfortunately the numbers don't yet. I am feeling my best yet this week and have even taken up walking again; a few days with Jaxen and a few days with the dog. The dog walks have left me a little sore but I've been a little sore anyways now that I'm completely off my pain meds. They had to go, the side effects were starting to outweigh the benefits.

     It's week 37(+4) and WE ARE GOING HOME!!!!!! YES!!!!!! I knew he was close. I juuuuust knew it. Week 37 began with a bang as far as feeding and alert time went. All off a sudden I had a 15min per side nurser instead of sleepy 5 minute one sided nurser. All of a sudden he spent three hours between feedings perfectly awake and alert. He passed the room air challenge with flying O2s. The car seat challenge was again an issue and we went home on O2s but only use them in the car seat.

OCT 7th 2015 

BABY GAVIN CAME HOME!

Yay home! (Booo...help-less, sleepless nights...)

In case you missed it...here are my trials and tribulations during my extended hospital stay.

The Adventures of Hospital Bedrest Part II

....Continued

        It has been in the back of my mind this whole pregnancy that maybe I should have gone to see a different OB for a second opinion. I never did. Not because I didn't want to but because I had been reassured by both the doctor who examined Jaxen's placenta, my OB at University Hospital and by my midwives that the chance of preterm delivery for second baby was very low and had I been in any of their care for this pregnancy they would not have had me do anything differently. If you recall, Jaxen was early due to a micro placental abruption (separation of placenta from uterine wall). They actually had to break my water with him because it wouldn't break. This [pProm] is 100% unrelated. My water totally broke and has been leaking ever since. Nothing like getting peed on every time I stand up or change positions. (That's was amniotic fluid is BTW...baby pee.) Yum.
   

   At 32 weeks I was sent in for another growth ultrasound. That very day my OB told me that if I had been in her care she would have put me on progesterone based on the sole fact that Jaxen was early. That made me feel awful. I was miserable and on the brink of tears the whole ultrasound even though everything was looking great and baby was now measuring 4lbs 6oz (enough to clear him of a prolonged NICU stay if he had no other issues!!!) While I was waiting for the Neonatologist to come in and discuss the ultrasound findings, I could barely hold myself together. I just had to ask her about Jaxen and what she personally would have done for my care this time around. First bringing to light that hindsight is 20/20, she confessed that had I been in her care for this pregnancy she probably would not have done anything differently. I thanked her profusely for that bit of comfort and continued on with my day, content in knowing there wasn't really anything that could have been done differently.
      My many weeks on hospital bed rest have been difficult. This is not just because I have a severe need to be active and find TV/movies to be totally boring but because I totally missed out on the last month where it's just me n' Jax. From now on I'm a shared commodity. I will miss all those days when it's just been the two of us even though I'm excited that baby2 will be joining us on our adventures. These weeks have also made me so grateful for all the wonderful people who stepped in to help, be it Grandma's who took shifts taking care of Jaxen, neighbors lending a helping hand, my super excellent group of friends, neighbors and husband all who took the time to come out and visit me bringing real food, flowers, game nights and just plain being with me giving my otherwise long, boring days meaning. So just as I was getting used to the idea of having 7 days left on bedrest to coordinate remaining baby-prep tasks, guess who decided to join the party...
     This kid means business. First he kicks rupture the protective membranes surrounding him at 28 weeks. Then this. Six am on September 7th (33weeks, 2 days) brought so minor contractions (pain at a 1 or 2) which I treated temporarily by chugging down 1.5L of water. By 6:45 they were back but more to the tune of 3. I decided it was time to at least call a nurse. So glad Margie (one of my midwives) was on shift! She put me on the monitor which picked up steady contractions that peaked much differently on the graph than any I'd had before. Seven a.m.: I called Ben. He was quick to get on his way but at that point the plan was to watch me for an hour before doing anything else. I appeared to be 2cm dilated at that time. By the time he got to me, I was having to breath through contractions. From the get go they'd been 2-3min apart. At 8 a.m. I was 4-5cm dilated. Eight thirty/nine rolled around and I was beginning to howl through them unsure of how much longer I could hold out. They were also turning into an urge to push which the doctors were telling me to fight (adding to the pain) because they weren't ready for me in surgery yet. The anesthesiologist hadn't even arrived and I was cursing every second he wasn't there. What a relief that I never had to do this at home. (I now see I was a terrible candidate for home birth and I'm so, so, so ok with that. At this point making it out alive sounded really good.) Everyone seemed to be scrambling around at this point. When he did finally arrive we booked it to the OR. I was in so much agony at that point he could barely get me into a good position and thus the spinal failed. While I managed to get a touch of relief on my left side, I got absolutely none on my right. (The poked me with the knives to test their theory. Super glad they did.) The next step is usually a full epidural...well time was out. I was dilated 8cm. Ben was standing behind me holding my hand all smurfed out in his scrubs. I remember them hoisting up a blue fabric panel over my abdomen...squinting up at the OR lights...a triangle mask on my face but no one telling me what it was for or what was going on. Voices merged into one babbling brook of background noise somewhere in the far, far distance.              

I awaken to quite voices. A bunch of people are urging me to move off the surgical bed and onto the one in my room. An unwelcome and uncomfortable proposition. This is a much different experience than on the day Jaxen was born. No magical skin to skin contact immediately after being born or those first lungfuls of life squealed with such vigor. Instead, Mr. Gavin Caron born at 10am on September 7th at 5lbs 11oz is tucked quietly into his private NICU unit about 5 steps from my bed. He is perfect, he is strong, he is calm and he is beautiful.

The Adventures of Hospital Bedrest Part I

         The second saddest day of my life happened August 8th 2015 around 5:30pm while I was lounging on the couch watching TV. My water broke. I was only 28 weeks 7 days. At first I thought I had just lost control of my bladder for a second there but then when I realized what it really was a ran hysterically in tears down to Ben's office in the basement. NOT. THIS. AGAIN. And even earlier than with Jaxen which is a super big deal. A night or two before this happened I'd had a bit of melt down as Ben and I were climbing into bed for the night. I was uncomfortable and I felt like my body just couldn't do it anymore. I had no idea it would turn into...THIS.

         We got our midwife on the phone right away and she said she'd meet us at the office to test the discharge for amniotic fluid. After that conversation, I hurriedly stuffed some items in a bag for the hospital. By that time it was time to get Jaxen up from nap and we all piled into the car and headed to her office. The whole trip there I was silently trying to convince myself that I really had lost control of my bladder and it would all be fine. By the time we got there I was actually feeling ok about the situation. I handed over the vile of fluid, our midwife pulled out some litmus paper and stuck it in. It turned dark blue for the presence of amniotic fluid immediately. Panic was returning but I tried to keep as calm as I could on the outside so as not to upset Jaxen. Straight to Boulder Foothills Hospital we went not realizing they had a cut off age for when their equipment could best support preemies. It was 30 weeks but they did admit me to start me on mega doses of magnesium to stop the mild but steady contractions and to protect babies vital organs in case I did deliver that night or soon after. The official diagnosis pProm or preterm prelabor rupture of membranes. They also gave me steroid shots in the butt to help his lungs develop more quickly. When I finally recovered from my magnesium funk with accompanied scary low blood pressure dive, the doc called up an ambulance and had me transferred to University Hospital in Aurora where the care for babies born 26-28 weeks is the best in the state.
         So my first ambulance ride ever was thankfully uneventful. When I finally was delivered to my room at UCH it was probably 2am. Nice facility but very by the book as one might expect from a teaching hospital. Before I could even think about hitting the hay they had to do fetal monitoring (NST), administer anti-biotics, check my vitals. All of this every four hours for vitals and every six for antibiotics. Fine. I get that. I accept that. Anything to stop from having a 29 weeker because those guys are still in the danger zone. However, frequent check ins continued to occur even when I was done with the medication. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HAVE A HEALTHY IMMUNE SYSTEM WHEN I AM SO SLEEP DEFICIENT? At least the the food was great and the staff was also very friendly if not somewhat inexperienced (more on this next paragraph.) My OB was an interesting man somewhere in the midst of his thirties. Although I didn't love his by the book approach (he basically laughed at me when I suggested safe & viable alternatives to prevent major abdominal surgery...) he came off as intelligent with a good sense of humor and a super informal bedside manner that I really appreciated. But bottom line, OBs are surgeons and surgeons like to cut people. His plan for me was to get me to 34 weeks then cut because of the breech position of this baby. Due to the lack of amniotic fluid, he felt there was 0% chance this baby would flip before than regardless of what I tried (e.g spinning babies). My growth ultrasound at 29 weeks confirmed the breech position but put baby at 3lbs 10oz and they described him as robust and well developed for his age. (I'm certain that this, at least is a product of my super healthy life style and also the 100g of protein minimum intake I shoot for every day.) The week was mostly uneventful except for a tornado evacuation and the IV debacle.
         On my last night my IV was past due for changing and they needed "updated" blood samples. For the record, I am incredibly vascular and no one has EVER had trouble drawing blood or placing an IV in me. That night, the nurse came in with her battery of needles and IV paraphernalia. Immediately I got the tremors. I always get the tremors when they're about to do some medical procedure on me. My old IV was still in my right arm so she decided to try my left. After shoving the needle around under my skin for awhile (it reminded me of when you see abdominal liposuction done on TV...) she finally got to collect some blood but then I had a blow out so she couldn't use the same spot for the IV. She didn't even collect enough blood for the sample to be viable. I was uncomfortable with some anxiety but willing to let them try again. Still with the tremors though. (People always mistake that for me being cold but...it's really just latent terror.) She tried the other arm. Stab, stab, stab, stab....nothing. At this point I was starting to have a full on anxiety attack because it really hurt and I am super squeamish about needles. Always have been. She calls another nurse. That nurse tries with the same stabbing effort to no avail. At that point I was so distressed that the baby (who was on the monitor the whole time) starting looking distressed. Keep in mind that prior to this incident he always looked beautiful on the monitor. Best looking baby on the whole floor they said! Meanwhile Ben took the nurse into the hallway and insisted that she be done trying for the night. She agreed although in my imagination it was only very reluctantly. But now since the baby was distressed they had to do another pelvic exam because they thought the cord was caught in my cervix opening or something weird like that. Let me stop you there because 1) my cervix was still closed as of a few days ago with no contractions working to open it and 2) baby's distress couldn't possibly have anything to do with MY distress...could it? Nurse and docs alike weren't even willing to fathom that THEY'D caused this. No, no it was quite the failing of my own body. Cutting to the chase, I passed the exam with flying colors and as soon as I calmed down, baby calmed down. As you can imagine, after that ordeal and the general inflexibility of the staff to let me rest and be well, I was only too happy to hear I was approved for transfer back to Boulder.
         PAUSE. The question that continues to haunt me is this: Why do I suck at having babies? I'm THE healthiest person I know.  I've gone out of my way for many years to make this the cleanest vessel possible for babies to live in. I've bombarded all the doctors, at all the hospitals with this question, provided detailed accounts of my life style and no one can even come up with even a guess. I think other people (non-hospital people) like to blame it on my activity level but that's pure non-sense. Plenty of people continue exercising at the same level or harder than I was (e.g. many CrossFit moms). I was only working at half the capacity I was at the same time when I was carrying Jaxen...that would be roughly 25% of what I'm normally capable of. I know my limits and I scaled appropriately to how I was feeling. That said, I have my own theory. My body has been somewhat temperamental for a good portion of my older life. (Thanks Lyme disease?) Could it be that it just hates being pregnant? I seem to have a harder time with it just in general than all other moms I know. This problem didn't occur until I reached the same weight and largeness I was when I went into labor with Jaxen so could that be my breaking point? Unfortunately I reached it sooner with this baby because I didn't watch what I ate and I reduced my activity level much sooner. Bad combination.
       At 30+2, I took my second ambulance ride back to Boulder where I was immediately welcomed back by the same relaxed (as in, NOT by the book) and friendly staff who had first admitted me. They were all about unhooking me from the machines, not stabbing me over and over with needles and letting me get a full night sleep based on the fact that all my monitoring results had been so good.  (Yes, they left me alone all night but I really haven't slept more than 3 or 4 hours on given night I've been here...) My doctor here even said she would attempt an external version (turning the baby) before wheeling me into surgery! She encouraged me to practice the spinning babies exercises to help him turn! Finally, someone who treated me as an individual and not the lowest common denominator. Instead of a window view of Colfax, I was looking straight at the Colorado foothills with an excellent sunset view. Yes, everything here was better except the food, which is a weird concept for being in Boulder.

Click here for  Part II!

Summer Highlights 2015

June

• 6/8 - Progressively reorganizing room to accommodate a twin mattress and so that Jaxen can't kick the shared wall. Check.
• 6/16 - Begin sippy cup of milk instead of bottle for night time only. (FAIL -- several nights in a row) Might have to go cold turkey...
• Totally loves splashing about in any body of water!
• First month of being away from home T/R 9:30am-1:30pm. The first two weeks were the toughest. Lots of crying and separation anxiety. Third week was a charm!
• Intermittent before 7am wakings  :(

July

• First week of July: decrease nap and night bottle from 8 to 6 oz for two weeks.
• Sleeping great!
• Third week of July: nap/night bottle dropped from 6oz to 4oz
• Doing so well at Komundia's house!
• Intermittent skipping of nap time due to low energy expenditure days? I'm getting too tired to do a lot of our regular walks, outdoor things together.
• Practicing Swim Otters skills at the pool and he is loving it! He'll even jump in from the top step into my arms!
• Surprise visit to MT for Gma's birthday!

August

• Was going to bottle wean but couldn't bare to give up the snuggle time.
• Finally learned to say NO in the proper context. It's super cute but annoying. 
• Lots of words but still babbles a lot too.
• Calls himself "Dakin" <3 
•  8/8 - Landed myself in the hospital. AGAIN. Stay tuned for more details on the next blog.